We Are The Blind Men
A while ago I came across the parable of the blind men in the book Liminal Thinking. The parable goes something like this:
“A group of blind men who have never come across an elephant before, have to learn and conceptualize what the elephant is like by touching it. Each blind man feels a different part of the elephant’s body, but only one part, such as the side or the tusk. They then describe the elephant based on their limited experience and their descriptions of the elephant are different from each other. In some versions, they come to suspect that the other person is dishonest and they come to blows.”
The moral of the parable is that humans have a tendency to claim absolute truth based on their limited, subjective experience as they ignore other people’s limited, subjective experiences which may be equally true.
When it comes to the pandemic we are all the blind men. This season has shown me that we are self-preoccupied and make little to no effort to understand others. I want to specifically point out social media users (yes that’s you too) who love posting their Bible verse in the morning (when they are feeling Zen) and a diatribe of insulting comments or political garbage in the evening when stress has generated havoc. We get on our high horse to pontificate and most importantly share our message of self-importance or indignation. We take to our corners and an insist on shedding light on how “right” we are. It is really exhausting to witness as I have come to realize that “being right” is as indulgent as eating chocolate cake for breakfast. Shortly thereafter acid reflux ensues!
My question is this: when was the last time that being right led to a win? Better yet, when was the last time you convinced someone during an argument? I have found that we learn more by posting less and seeking to understand more. For example, my hubby and I sit on opposites side of the political aisle. We have figured out how to fight fair, but most importantly have learned so much from one another’s perspective by simply listening to understand instead of respond. Together, we can take what is happening in strides without getting angry, defensive, fearful, anxious, or disrespectful. We understand that there is no one solution to this pandemic and that the government will make a lot of mistakes in the process. (We refuse to dehumanize our politicians simply because we disagree with their policy). Most importantly we choose the thoughts about the circumstance that align with the feelings and actions we want to generate. We are intentional about what we are thinking, what we are doing and most importantly, do not allow our feelings to run the show.
I do not know about you, but severing relationships about circumstances beyond my control is not very smart. We are hindering our own well-being by over rationalizing what we see in the 24 hour news cycle. And then we get so wound up that we make excuses for our unsavory comments and responses. “Unfriend me”! “This is my page!” , “Well this is my opinion and I have the right to…!”. You can fill in the blanks. We sound like children. By choosing these thoughts we are missing the opportunity to speak light. My suggestion is to let CNN, FOX, and MSBNC work that full time. You and I can focus on building something instead of trashing others.
My son shared a picture in his social media account that showed a leaflet that was left on his windshield that noted a “Drive-By Prayer”. How awesome is this! I’ve also seen pictures and videos of teachers teaching through windows, as well as neighbors getting groceries for those who have the virus. Just today my daughter’s teacher dropped of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.
There are tiny miracles unfolding all around us, yet we’d rather talk about the beaches opening to soon, Trump being wrong, and, Nancy Pelosi being too negative. Don’t you want to be a game-changer? While I understand that we are mourning our former way of life and some are seeking certainty in a world that is nothing but uncertain, I think there’s a better way:
1. Be intentional. Start out your day with meditation and prayer. Whatever works for you. Read an inspiring book or a devotional. Click on your meditation app or take Fido for a morning walk. Listen to an uplifting message and then set your intentions for the day. What matters is that YOU set the pace, feel, and, rhythm of your day. Write it down. Be clear about what you intend to create that day and hold yourself accountable. I like to journal and plan out my day. For some reason blocking and scheduling my day creates an illusion of certainty that allows me to cope. At the end of the day, I review my entries to see what worked and what did not. It helps me find clarity and purpose.
2. Avoid social media and the 24-Hour new cycle. None of these outlets are meant to make you feel good. If you need to watch the news, stick to the local news. The FCC is much harder on local news than cable news. So they need to stick to a certain protocol. Get the basics for the day, get in and get out. When it comes to social media, research has demonstrated that it can negatively impact mental health. Given the times, you are doing yourself a great disservice by engaging with others in this manner. Social media can also hurt your self-esteem and trivialize your connections. It can also be a source of unhappiness. Find another outlet for your rants. But quit engaging strangers and acquaintances in this manner, it is not serving you or others.
3. Call a friend. Anxiety and depression thrive in the darkness. Reach out to a real good friend. Not the kind who will make it about them. But the kind that will listen and then give it to you straight. If this is not possible, there are plenty of therapists offering on-line services. What matters is that you reach out and talk to someone, chances are you are not alone. Remember that problems do not get better with time and mental illness thrives in isolation. Whatever you do, you do not have to go at it alone. I have found that most of my friends are as anxious as I am. They feel uncertain and have shared some of their coping mechanisms. Some have suggested books and other sources of information. Sharing creates empathy which generates a sense of community, even if it is at a distance.
4. Play some music. Music is one of my healing balms. Though more studies are needed, the potential health benefits of music are noticeable. Listening to music can help improve mood, reduce anxiety and stress as well as provide comfort and ease pain. “While the effects of music on people are not fully understood, studies have shown that when you hear music to your liking, the brain actually releases a chemical called dopamine that has positive effects on mood”. There is nothing like a Guns n Roses playlist to get you going. There’s something about the guitar and the intensity of it all that helps as a release. Music also transports me and often times brings up sweet memories. Whatever sparks your pleasure, just tune in!
5. Take a nap. “Sleep experts have found that daytime naps can improve many things: increase alertness, boost creativity, reduce stress, improve perception, stamina, motor skills and accuracy, enhance your sex life, aid in weight loss, reduce the risk of heart attack, brighten your mood and boost memory”. Since we are all home, why not? Take a nap instead of starting another mind numbing discussion on your social media account. You want to know the truth: your opinion is not that important and people comment because they have nothing better to do. Quit wasting your energy. A nap is a much better choice. You will not only feel better but will avoid severing your personal relationships. I have found naps to be restorative and provide a needed pause to think things over. Naps give me a chance to restore before I charge unto another thing.
The bottom line is that when this pandemic comes to an end, I want to believe that I was supportive instead of discouraging. Empathetic instead of apathetic. Fair instead of self-righteous. Hence, I encourage you (and remind myself) to quit posting encouraging verses in the morning to then offer self-righteous diatribes about political stuff that will not matter in a few months. This too shall pass, and in the end all the negativity will have created just that, negativity and broken relationships.
Maybe it is time to think first about others instead of ourselves. I wonder who came up with that novel idea? Maybe it is time to put ourselves in other’s shoes. I wonder if we really know how to do this? Maybe this time calls for embracing uncertainty and discomfort so that we can attain growth. Maybe less indulgence and more yielding. Who knows? Maybe this time calls for us to remove the speck from our own eyes to see clearly and be able to remove the speck out of your brother’s eye. Maybe this is the time that has been ordained to learn to love our neighbor. And if this is so, may God have mercy, because it is going to take a long, long time.
