Work Life Balance, Is it Possible?
Today I heard the best take on work life balance in the podcast Manager Tools. By definition balance means to offset or compare the value of one thing with another. Thus, the term “work life balance” implies that we are trying to balance the time spent at work with the time spent with our loved ones as though both have equal value. We have turned a question about our values and priorities into a mathematical equation. No wonder we end up frustrated and depleted trying to solve it.
The dilemma, I think, is that we have forgotten what is truly important to us. We have allowed others to shape our lives or have an adopted a narrow definition of success. Thus, think that a title, a position, power, or prestige are worthy pursuits. Some pursue money or are too attached to their personal brand as though we are commodities to be marketed. We have forgotten what makes us special, and that’s our humaneness. We are trying to function as things, though we are created beings. We are finite, have limitations, and most importantly are worthy despite the salary we earn.
Additionally, we have failed to grasp that time is the one thing that we cannot make more of. Time is limited, finite, and once is lost, we cannot get it back. We are constantly trying to balance the time that we have between work and our loved ones as though it is a fair mathematical equation. I am not saying that work is not important. Actually, work is a very important part of the human experience. However, our family, and loved ones are truly irreplaceable. Other pursuits such as careers, accolades, fame, and, material possessions are replaceable.
I am not implying that the pursuit of excellence and achievement are not worthy. Instead, I am highlighting our lack of personal responsibility in discriminating among priorities that come from our own value system, and the ones that we pursue because we are on auto-pilot. We are living from the outside in, when we should be living from the inside out. Do you know what gives you meaning? Taking inventory of our values to prioritize our day to day is deeply significant and will help you create the life that you want. It will also prevent you from burning out as you will not be chasing the wind.
For some, all of this sounds soft, but what is the alternative to truly knowing and understanding the things that we value? Aimlessly existing based on what others think? Studies have found that as we get older, and near the end of our existence three themes recur: 1) Regret over not pursing the things that we really wanted, 2) Regret over having spent too time at work, 3) Regret over not having spent more time with family and friends.
Imagine life is a big pie. As such there are so many slices that you can get out of it. What is important is that you slice the pie according to your values and priorities. And, as you identify your values and priorities, expect changes. Because life is not static, as you prioritize, some things may have to shift. For example, you may have to reassess your career goals, or scale back in special projects at work. It may signify a change in your position or having to find a new opportunity that better aligns with your values. Prioritization may require more planning on your part or minimizing your leisure time to pursue meaningful activities. You may be one of the lucky ones who has a family-oriented supervisor, that may not only support you but also give you tips on how to balance. However, it is important to understand that changes all around will ensue as you find your balance.
Lastly, I want to leave you with a few things that I’ve found as I have continued to shift my life to better align with my values:
1. Values do not change, priorities do. Know the difference between values and priorities. Values include balance, authenticity, compassion, community, growth, generosity, and, kindness. Values do not change. Priorities stem from outside demands and change as your life changes. We set our priorities based on our value system. Knowing what you value defines both meaning and purpose. Some of us never stop to consider this, thus live wandering. For some it is much worse, because they set their values on what other’s think.
2. Not everything is going to go your way. Even pursuing what you love will stink sometimes. Ask a professional athlete or a celebrity to see whether they live in a perpetual bliss. The secret is having the wisdom to understand this and continue to pursue meaningful endeavors. I like to believe that life is 50/50. You cannot have joy without sorrow. And you cannot have pleasure without pain. All of it belongs and is part of a balanced life.
3. Some people are not going to be supportive. You need to do what’s is best for you. Resist the temptation to confirm your decision with everyone you know. This is your decision and based on your unique set of values. Most importantly, it is not for everyone to understand. While I encourage a meaningful discussion with your significant other, this is a deeply personal decision that requires no survey, agreement, or polling.
4. Revisit your priorities. As time goes by your priorities may change. In my case, the kids have grown older and require less of me. As such I can focus more on my personal wellness as well as other pursuits. I like to read and write (growth value). I also enjoy a gruesome workouts (challenge value). For others, it may be a change in careers, or moving closer to family (community value). What is important is that you revisit your priorities often so that you do not get stuck in auto-pilot. Be intentional.
5. Finally, be honest with yourself. You only get to do this once and it is important that you redeem your time here on earth. I read somewhere that it takes “two generations to forget”. Meaning that you will be forgotten very soon. For example, I remember my grandparents, but not much past them, and especially no great detail of anything. As such, I encourage you to be very honest about the things that you want to do versus the things that you are doing because “it is expected”. Those who love you will love you regardless. What will matter in the end is that you lived a life that mattered to you and hopefully positively impacted some of those around you.
